Writing - Part 2 - B2 First (FCE) - Practice, Write & Improve

You have seen this advertisement in your local newspaper.

We are looking for staff to help us in the following areas:

Write your Letter of Application.

Student's Answer:

“Letter of Application

In the local newspaper I had seen your job advertisement, where you are searching an employee for your circus.
When I saw your advertisement, I was very excited because I love circus and the things around there.

My name is Sanja, and I have over two years’ experience in customer service and about 5 years as a security employee.
I am very interested in arts and entertainment. Working in your circus would be exciting because it would let me use my customers skills and my love for live shows. I want to make sure every visitor has a great experience. My good communication skills and calm attitude helped me always to do my job well. For me, it’s easy to build a good customer relationship that customers always appreciate.

I am also good at organizing and playing attention to details, which would help in managing the events at the circus. I am sure I can help make the circus run smoothly.

I am available for an interview at any time and can be reached by my phone number.
Thank you for considering my application.

Feedback:

Letter of Application

Dear Mr. Smith - an appropriate opening

I am writing to apply for the customer liaison position at Magic Circus. (state the reason) Recently , in the local newspaper, I had have seen your job advertisement , where you are searching for an employee for your circus . When I saw your advertisement, I was very excited because I love circus and the things around there . (avoid emotional language/use professional tone)

In the introduction, clearly and precisely state the reason for writing the letter

• avoid including unnecessary information and maintain an appropriately professionaltone

My name is Sanja, (introducing yourself) and I have over two years experience in customer service and about 5 years as a security employee. (relevant details & vocabulary) Also , (use linking words) I am very interested in arts and entertainment. (topical vocabulary)

First and foremost , (organise your ideas) working in your circus would be an exciting experience because (conjunctions) it would let me use develop my customer skills and my love for live shows. Also, I guarantee that I (link ideas/sentences) will make sure every visitor has a great experience .

Organize the content of your letter into paragraphs

• in first paragraph you can introduce yourself
• in the second paragraph, you can describe your experience,
• in the third paragraph, you can describe your motivation or expectations

What is more, (organise your ideas) my good communication skills and calm attitude (topical vocabulary) helped me always to do my job well. (avoid simple vocabulary) always allowed me to effectively carry out my duties. For me , it's easy to build a good customer relationship that customers always appreciate. (relevant/suitable vocabulary)

Last but not least, (organise your ideas) I am also good at organizing and playing paying attention to details , which would help (relative clauses) in managing the events at the circus . I am sure I can help make (avoid simple vocabulary) and ensure the circus runs smoothly.

I am available for an interview at any time (relevant details) and can be reached (passive voice) by my phone number .

Thank you for considering my application. - appropriate call to action

Yours sincerely, - add appropriate closing
Sanja Müller

Content: 4/5
have you answered the question?

All content is relevant to the task. The target reader is partially informed.

You didn't write specifically what position you are applying for - state the reason for writing the letter.

Communicative Achievement: 3-4/5
have you completed the task in the right sort of language?

The tone of the statement is polite and the candidate expresses himself with respect for the recipien t although this statement is not always appropriately formal and professional.

• avoid including unnecessary information and maintain an appropriately professionaltone

The candidate can communicate complex and simple ideas, depending on the context.

• some stylistic and communication deficiencies appear (illegibility or imprecise information)
  
• it is difficult for the reader to follow the text at times.

The organisation: 3-4/5
have you structured your writing properly?

The letter has the correct structure, opening and introduction; The content is divided into paragraphs and the letter ends witha closure.

• Yours sincerely, - add appropriate closing

The candidate presents different arguments in a mixed manner, and does not always smoothly connect individual ideas.

• connect ideas with conjunctions(and, or, but, so, because)and use linkingwords between sentences/paragraphs Linking words and phrasesLinking words and paragraph connectors(video)

Organize the body of your letter into paragraphs

• in the first paragraph you can introduce yourself
• in the second paragraph, you can describe your experience,
• in the third paragraph, you can describe your motivation or expectations

Language: 3-4/5
have you used a good range of grammar and vocabulary?

There is sufficient range of simple and more complex grammatical forms which are used with control and flexibility.

Uses a range of vocabulary, appropriately

• avoid simple vocabulary (your, have, if, train, like, take) - the text consists of 72% of A1-level words

The text uses a range of semi-advanced and simple grammar accurately but utilises a limited number of more advanced grammatical forms; u se more of the following:

• conjuntions (neither.. nor, both. and) read more
• conditionals (If it hadn't been.. ) read more
• passive voice (It is said / Is being / was made ) read more
• passive reporting structures (It could be argued that. ) read more

Score: 14/20 Grade: B2

Nicola Davies
Editor - engxam.com
*We try to asses your assignments in accordance with the official guidelines. However, we cannot guarantee that you will receive this exact grade in the exam.